if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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