a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Come see our sink grown plant.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
