I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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