you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
