I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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