we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
