it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My ass is underappreciated
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
