Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
