i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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