She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize