True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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