Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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