im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
