Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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