New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
