I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
