you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
