I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
