He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
