Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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