# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
