I have demons in me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
