WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
