am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
