I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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