That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
