so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
