oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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