He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
