You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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