haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
