I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
