What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't deserve a penis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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