Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Less talking, more tequila
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
