Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
