Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
