I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this hospital has no fireball
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
