did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
