You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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