i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
