hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
