my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
