Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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