OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
