So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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