do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
