if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
