I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
PANTIES FOUND
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