Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
