She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
