I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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