no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
