I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
