I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
