he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize