I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
