Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
