White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
