you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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