I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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