So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
