It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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