I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
