i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
