my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
did i walk over a car last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, beer. Big fan.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
